It started like this.


Two simple life forms carried back in a cardboard box.




All they expected was love. To be taken care of. And in return you get the most valuable thing on earth - unconditional love.


I remember feeding them, sometimes even in the middle of the night. I remember giving them baths and how troublesome i thought it was. I remember trying to suppress my worry whenever they wailed and i was trying to sleep. I remember how they scratched me, leaving scars. I remember spanking them, hugging them, regretting over ever neglecting them. Yet in the end, the love in their shining eyes never changed.




TT got hurt today. She's limping now. She still barrels into me. She still smiles like everything's okay. I hugged her. I never wanted to let go.




It's not her fault, for sleeping under the car.
It's not his fault, for bringing them home.
Is it my fault, for not being there?
Then tell me whose fault it is, that my eyes are red-rimmed now?

La di daaa.


Life is starting to fall in place now. It's finally starting to feel like im going forward, going somewhere. I have people i like enough, i have a reason to be there and it's tranquil. I guess i miss all the insane ridiculous drama of high school but after almost 2 years of craziness, i guess it's time for a break. Don't get me wrong, i still miss you guys. Love you all more than ever.




Complications in life give it it's meaning. It's what makes life interesting, no? But why do i feel like punching, decapitating, burning and generally destroying to the best of my ability the object of my frustrations right now? It's so infuriating!

I see you. I hate you.
Every word, every gesture it drives me mad.
For no reason. Except that you exist.
Behind the screen, it's like the image of you dissolves
And we're fine.

Opposites.
The current bane of my existence.
It's playful one minute, hatred the next, fake politeness after
And we're back to square one.
Who ever thought two polar opposites could exist in one vessel?
One look and it's forgotten.

Those who understand should just keep their mouths shut. Like forever =)

Let's see. I've been too bored/lazy/uncaring to even blog lately. I've had inspiration hit me on and off but as my mom tells me time and time again, i am so inconsistent with everything i attempt to do (i can't find the right word actually so inconsistent shall do for now). Frankly, i agree but i don't care, it'll probably be my demise and obstacle to achieve success and all that but you can't miss what you don't have right? (Im being stupid and hard-headed but it's that's my mood and you're reading my blog.)

According to Wikipedia, "Children with much older siblings (generally ten or more years) may also have a similar family environment to only children." and "In Western culture, only children are often subject to a stereotype that equates them with spoiled brats." Those two sentences just about sums up my life.

See how cynical im feeling right now? Yes im feeling irritated and angry and all that jazz so that's why im blogging. That's why i ever blog. To let out my feelings...be it irritation, hurt, anger, happiness, relief etc etc. It's usually a combination of two or more and without the absence of hurt. The stupid mindless emotion i control every day but it still manages to eat at my insides.


The above (quoted stuff?) were supposed to be my status update at FB. But guess what? I've got some compassion left somewhere to not to ruin everybody else's Christmas Eve. That, and im a coward. I don't want my brothers seeing that.


I've had a bad day. Guess what, bad days are always my constant companion during the holidays. No normal relaxing fun-filled holidays for me. Uh uh. And today, is officially the worst ever possible day-before-birthday day. If that makes any sense.


I got in a fight with my mom. We get in fights day in and day out but hell, tomorrow is my birthday. I KNEW it would be the worst birthday ever in my whole (almost) 17 years of life on this demented earth. But great, here i am on a partially working laptop, in my room, at 10pm, having not eaten since 10am and no water left in my water bottle. And here i thought tomorrow's party full of old people would be the worst of my problems.


A whole party full of people i don't care about ( and who aren't even here for me), chattering bout old people stuff, with food i eat every day and rather dislike - whoopee. Enough of my ranting, might rant somemore after the dreaded party.

Today, the 5th of December....is Wendy Wong's birthday!! Woots. Had a superb surprise party/dinner at Sharing Planet. My stomach is trying to spit out some extras via its cardiac sphincter. I've gone absurd with too much studying lol.


Anyways SPM's almost over!! Woooooohoo. There's just Chemistry left and i haven't studied but i think everything's gonna be fine and dandy. Im just really really upset over Accounts and my Biologyy Paper 3.

NOOOO. This is like, a quick post before i go for tuition ;)


WTF tomorrow is the starting of yet another test. Why is it the more of them you take, the less important they seem to become? I was totally bent on ditching school tomorrow.


It's too late to cancel tuition! I didn't even plan my schedule...and i totally have no time for Sejarah. STOOOPIGGGG. I am not sane. Dammit

Sometimes good(?)/unexpected things happen so suddenly. Meeting someone new, getting to know someone, not liking some of the people you've wanted to meet or even finding yourself an enemy of a past friend. Things you've wanted to work out, even planned...never come to fruition. And yet fate has the best of plans when you're not even expecting it.





I've had my share of surprises in life. It's a rather unexpected journey. Sometimes i just can't help but to stop and wonder, what is the possibility of that happening to someone again?


We meet new people everyday but it's not an everyday occurrence to get to know someone new. We sometimes fail to remain in contact with our old friends but we never really forget them. Because meeting someone is one thing, meeting someone you actually like is another. Every encounter has it's own story.








I find myself a lot more emotional and prone to blog sentimental thoughts at night. Preferably around 11-2. Anyone know why? :(

As im sure everyone in Malaysia knows, we're going back a few kazillion decades by reverting our Science and Maths subjects back into Malay. Dumb, dumb and dumber...it's not really a surprise. Ever since this issue was brought up, i was quite sure they would change it back to Malay.

Why? You just gotta look at who's the ruling party in Malaysia. See which race has the most population due to them being able to reproduce at an alarming rate faster than an opossum. [Random fact: Opossums can give birth to 8-9 babies per litter. 1-3 litters per year.] Scared yet? lol. And if you haven't noticed, not many are pro in English (Unlike us, wahaha =X)





That's besides the point lah. Just telling you guys, must support English! Im not even trying to give you guys a choice. Just go to Dr. M's blog and vote 'No' for the poll, kay? He was the one who changed Science and Maths to English. I hope he can make it so forever. (Omgosh he TWEETS?!)





Must every story be about him? I don't even know him la. Granted, good music and nice moves. But besides that? Who knows if he is a good or bad person inside. Sian si can.



Feeling rather hot-headed today. And stubborn. Got blood red brace thingies yesterday. Kinda sick. Rather irritated at someone. Very irrational. Chiong kin Additional Mathematics Project. Printer is disagreeing.

My friends and I were supposed to help Puan Ting with the preparations but actually there wasn't much to do. We did most of our part yesterday. We were told to mill around and we did, in the end we actually fell unwittingly into the trap of a giant shark, Miss Lim. Don't laugh, it's not funny. She scary =.=


We were dragged to the ice cream stall and did whatnot while she yelled at us and gave us black glares. Like WHAT TURF LA, you should've gotten people beforehand. It's not our fault. And after 3 or 4 hours of slavering, we got nothing in return. I feel remorse, for not enjoying myself.


There were ducks. And a white pony and i even got nail art lol. And we went around laughing at the Cosplay people who were actually rather cute. I guess today wasn't so bad, at least we had stuff to do.



I wonder what tomorrow will bring. I say i don't care for the outcome, i say it's just for fun. I lie so well that i actually believe myself. One flaw of mine is i know im gonna screw up, yet i never try to make it otherwise. I know im gonna regret it, and i just sit and wait for the supposed inevitable.


I don't know whether there is such a thing. That our destiny is planned out for us, that whatever we do it's not gonna change anything. Sometimes i do, other times it's just a stupid excuse for being such a sloth.




Guess what im looking forward to. Not winning and getting to go to KL for the National Championship. Lol no way, im not that ambitious. Im looking forward to splurging on MNG, flip-flops and all other expensive shit after the competition.


Im not exactly rational now. I hope nobody knows who i am. I hope i will not get speller's block and/or emotional and cry. The teacher told me it's okay to cry. Aaargh. Not helping.

Walala...complete randomness. It's an inspired piece of writing, kay~ So definitely not bout me.

If you don't agree with me at all times, you're not my friend.
If you don't follow my command, you're not my friend.
If you're not like me, you're definitely not my friend.


So that's it? That shows what a great friend you are. Look up the word friend. There's no anger, there shouldn't be any hurt and there definitely should be tons of love present.




Forgiveness has its limits. You know when you've crossed the line. If you're not my friend, wipe that fake smile off your face and move aside please; i don't have time for you. If you don't care enough, don't talk to my face; i don't want you. Forget all the times we've laughed together, forget everything i've said to you and im sure you've forgotten everything i've done for you. You know what? I've forgotten what you look like too.